DOGS DON’T KNOW

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Dogs Don’t Understand Basic Understanding Like Moving

Packing all of your belongings into a U-Haul and then transporting them across several states is nearly as stressful and futile as trying to run away from lava in swim fins.
I know this because my boyfriend Duncan and I moved from Montana to Oregon last month. But as harrowing as the move was for us, it was nothing compared to the confusion and insecurity our two dogs had to endure.
 
Our first dog is — to put it delicately — simple-minded. Our other dog is a neurotic German shepherd who is mixed with agonizingly low self-esteem and has taken on the role of “helper dog” for our simple dog. Neither dog is well-equipped with coping mechanisms of any kind.
 
When we started packing, the helper dog knew immediately that something was going on. I could tell that she knew because she becomes extremely melodramatic when faced with even a trivial amount of uncertainty. She started following me everywhere pausing every so often to flop to the ground in an exaggeratedly morose fashion because maybe that would make me realize how selfish I was being by continuing to pack despite her obvious emotional discomfort.
When the soul-penetrating pathos she was beaming at me failed to prevent me from continuing to put things in boxes, the helper dog became increasingly alarmed. Over the ensuing few days, she slowly descended into psychological chaos. The simple dog remained unphased.
Unfortunately for the helper dog, it took us nearly a week to get everything packed up.  By the time we were ready to begin the first part of our two-day journey to Oregon, she seemed almost entirely convinced that she was going to die at any moment. She spent the entire car ride drooling and shaking uncontrollably. But the simple dog seemed to enjoy the trip. We tried them on the helper dog and the same one seemed to work for her. Here goes:
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