By: Alan Graham

Recently I have been experiencing increased telemarketing calls for all sorts of dubious services and in particular one from a “computer virus expert.”


Someone who identifies himself as Cam, and bearing a pronounced Chinese accent, tells me that my computer has been infected with a “very bad virus”.

I have received the same call on many occasions. So I thought I would try something different in order to deter them from calling again.

“Do you deliver?” I asked.


“Do you deliver?” I asked again.

No. We can do it by phone”, he said, half confused.

I paused then said, “Okay! I’ll have Kung Pow Chicken and Sweet and Sour Pork.”

Now he was pausing, and I could hear him talking to someone else who was now saying to him, “What?”

Before he could answer I said, “And could I have six egg rolls too?”

He was trying to process the diabolically and deliberately confusing questions I had asked him. So I helped him along with the process by following up with, “How do I pay for this?” and then mercilessly offering a tantalizing array of opportunities for him to scam me, “Do you take Visa, American Express Gold Card, PayPal?”

He seemed so relieved and rather surprised that I had made it so easy for him, he blurted out, “GOLD CARD PREEZE”.


Once again, and with utter gleeful malice I asked, “How much will that be?”

He pretended to be calculating for a few moments, then said, $499.00.” 

Now I paused for a few moments. Then with my best Chinese accent I said,

”Wayrra mini? Dat too mush money for chicken an poke!”

”Too mush?”

”Sure, I can get it fo twenty dorras at another Chinese restaurant.”

Somehow at the last minute, it must have dawned on him that I was pranking him. He asked me if I was Chinese, and I said , “Yes, I am. Are you?”

He paused for a long time. Then he said , “No, I am from Scotrand.

I said, “Oh! I been to Scotrand once, it was crosed”


He paused again, then he hung up.

Check out this website for similar scams


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